I'M A VIRGIN ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. Very much so. I can see it on your virgin smile.
I remember when I told you
“Sometimes I think to myself that I wanna be alone my whole life. And die alone with my cats.”
You answered me:
“No you don’t. You don’t truely want that. You know how happy you can be when you are with someone. When someone loves you the way you deserve to be loved. Even though in the past they cheated on you, and lied to you, oneday you ARE going to find someone who’ll treat you right, and you’ll be happy to be with him.”
Those words were put into my heart and brain so fast, even if I acted like it didn’t. But apparently I don’t deserve to be loved.
You also told me this:
“Everything i know about you points to that you ARE loveable. You are someone that’s mentally ready for a relationship, just not emotionally. Only time will let your emotions heal up to a level when you are ready. You WILL meet someone you trule love, and that will trule love you back.”
But that’s not true either, is it?..
You said:
“I beleive it’ll happen. And when it does, i’ll tell you “told you so” “
You never told me so.
You told me another time:
“They don’t deserve even a single chance with a girl as amazing as you are. Everything i know about you so far is just fantastic.
You deserve nothing but the best.”
But what if “the best” to me is you?
You told me:
“well, if the next person you date is 10X mroe awesome than me, i hope he can make you smile a little more
cause if he can’t then… that means i can’t either.”
You still haven’t realised how much you’ve made me smile, how warm you’ve made me inside.
I told you, you were a sweetheart.
You answered:
“haha, nah. i’m just a jerk, that’s all i am.
i’m just not good enough for you”
Usually i’m the one pushing people away. I might have tried to push you away a couple of times,
but I feel like it wasn’t me who pushed you away. It wasnt me who pushed someone away this time.
I just wasn’t enough to make you happy. You were worried in the beginning, that youre not good enough,
that you wont be able to make me smile, to make me happy. But all you’ve done throu these times, is to make me happy.
You’ve given me so much there is no words to describe. Yet, even thought you succeed to enter my heart, Im ending up being the one not good enough.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that im not enough. I truly am.
You told me:
“But I think if you fell for the right person, in time, he’ll show you that you can trust him. It’s a good thing that you make people earn your trust”
You told me:
“I don’t want to lose someone as fantastic as you from my life”
I told you, that when we meet, I will cling onto you.
Your answer was “nah, by then, you’d have find a cute, adorable, honest boy”.
Maybe I should’ve realised by then, because you said it yourself “honest boy”.
Saying you’re not honest. But you’ve said so many times that you are.
I don’t know what you are.
And honestly, I dont even care what you are.
All I know is I fell for you. Whatever you are, you’ll be dear in my heart.
